I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
