im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
