Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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