Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
