Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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