69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
