how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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