90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
