everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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