I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
