Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
