If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
