Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
