Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
