think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Pooping to opera.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize