Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
