dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
