I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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