she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
