my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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