it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
