I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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