There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
