The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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