We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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