I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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