She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
