Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
