What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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