Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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