there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
