Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize