break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
