I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
