Someone shit on the floor
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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