just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize