First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The power of my boobs compel you
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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