Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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