I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
