a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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