After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
