I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
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