Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
