so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
