Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
