told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
