they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
