that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
