i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
