Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
