I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
