32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
