shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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