I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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