Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
