Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
