Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
