So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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