She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
