I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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