i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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