Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
