Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
