I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
