Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
