I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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