i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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